i love you.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012,
this time around, let's do some girl talk. i have a love story, that i feel like sharing with my beloved readers :) ok, this is not a love story, but a story about LOVE.
She knew him for nearly 4 years now, till at one point, she believes that he knows her more than she ever knew herself. he is one person she trusted to share her secrets with, her happy and dumb moments. with him, she could be who she is. at one moment, she thought that he's gonna b her happy ending. u know, tying a knot together and in few years time, maybe having little ones. but then, reality slammed hard. to be tying a knot, is not just a ONE-DAY thing, it's a life-time thingy. it comes with responsibilities and all other things. and... are they really ready?.. they both knw, they have aims they want to achieve. she wants to be SOMEONE big in her career while he wants to at least, take care of his parents first before settling with someone. so... if both of them are not ready YET for the big M for at least another couple of years, what is this relationship really for? and she knew herself, this relationship is not really the right thing to do. even if she knew, she has put limits on both of them, no touching2 kind of stuffs, but how many ridiculous texts they have been sending to each other? how many hours have they spent talking through the phone discussing about.... nothing. yes, every cell in her body knew what she did was wrong, but.... she didnt have the guts to pull-it-off. there were so many 'WHAT IF' playing in her head.
so, in that confusion, she decided to make baby-steps. she started with reducing the amount of texts and calls. and everytime when she missed him, she find friends that she could talk too. yes, she battled with herself everyday trying to avoid him. but she knew, if she doesnt start with something, nothing will change. and most importantly, she performed her solat taubat and solat hajat every night for nearly 3 months. praying so god gives her all the strength to do what's right. b it marriage, or break-up. if the answer was marriage, please let the process be easy, but if it's break-up, then give her all the strength she needed.
and yes, her prayed was answered. slowly, it doesnt matter to her anymore whether they texted or talked to the phone anymore. it seems that, the intense feeling she once had for him, slowly faded. she had no idea how does that happend. at last, one day, they both had a discussion and Alhamdulillah, the guy understand. they decided to put a dot on everything. of course, the first few weeks were hard for her. the routine of having him on the phone, and the texts, and all those lovey-dovey things they talked about, now no more existed. and only Allah knows how many nights she cried on the sajaddah, begging for mercy and strength to not give-up. u know, it's never easy to do what's right. there's always whispers asking her to just give up and return back to her old-self. till at one point, she just have to unfriend him from her FB page. but she knew, if she can win this fight this time, things will b easier next time. and Alhamdulillah, she was blessed to have such good girlfriends around her who keep on motivating her to do what's right, even in the hardest moment. to be the strongest mujahidah.
yes, until today, sometimes, the old memories flooded in her mind. the good moments they once had, she sometimes missed that. she still remembered how he used to play the guitar and sing to her on the phone, or how he helped fixing her car even when he was extra tired. but then, what is happiness, when ur heart knows u r not doing what's right. and everytime she feels weak, she keeps on saying this to herself,
if he is meant for me, he will come back when we r both ready and take me the right way. he will use this time we are apart to prepare himself to be a good muslim and a good imam. but if he decided to find a replacement for me, then, he is just not meant for me. there will b better man to be my imam. Allah knows best.some of her friends think that she's nuts for throwing away LOVE. honestly, she still believes in Love. it's insane to delete the word LOVE completely. but for the time being, she's spreading it to those people who deserve it better, her parents, siblings, girlfriends, and of course, Allah and Rasulullah. and maybe, when the time comes, she will give her love to her beloved husband.
ok, the end. this is a true story. trust me. i watched EVERY SINGLE-BITSY PIECE of it with my own eyes. so, what's the conclusion? u decide urself. im just a story-teller, who enjoys story-telling.
n oh, let's quote from Aristolte kay,
What lies in our power to DO, lies in our power NOT TO DO.
ps : if u cant take big steps, then at least, take BABY-STEPS. at least, u know u r doing something.
bubye love.
new past